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Post by loonier on May 3, 2018 0:50:17 GMT -5
Late Laff ...
Transportation in Heaven
And it came to pass that an angel came up to three newly-dead men and said - "You are all to be allocated a method for transportation around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly."
The angel looked at the first guy, Dave, and said- "You, Dave, were a bad man in life. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat-up Dodge."
The angel next looked at the second guy, Jon, and said- "You were not as sinful, but you still cheated on your wife twice. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota station wagon."
The angel finally looked at our hero, Sam, and said- "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife. For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari."
A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam's Ferrari. There he is, sitting on the hood, his head in his hands, crying.
"What's wrong, Sam?" they asked. "You got the Ferrari! You're set forever! Why so down?"
Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth, and said, "I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard."
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Post by MidnightSun on May 3, 2018 1:00:18 GMT -5
Hi HOG! First day of this year to hit 86/30 C. Even got my first sunburn. Little snow remains, snowmelt is like a flood everywhere. Soil will dry out fast, tho rain is expected tomorrow. All part of the Mud Season which turns spring into a beautiful summer of songbirds, flowers and Joy. Have a Fantastic day!
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Post by MidnightSun on May 4, 2018 1:33:40 GMT -5
Are the buffalo roaming?!
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Post by loonier on May 4, 2018 13:08:46 GMT -5
No, the buffalo are winging it (I think ...).
The nearest buffalo/bison to here are in Elk Island National Park. May outnumber the elk, I expect, but know not for sure.
Stolen from the Web...
Q: What did mama buffalo say when her youngest went off to college? A: "Bison!"
Q: What did the grape say when the buffalo stood on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q: What time is it when a buffalo sits in your canoe? A: Time to get a new canoe.
Q: Why did the buffalo cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Q: What do you call a buffalo at the North Pole? A: Lost!
Q: What's brown but turns red? A: An embarrassed buffalo!
Q: What do you call a buffalo in a phone booth? A: Stuck! A2: What's a phone booth?
Q: What do you call a buffalo with a carrot in each ear? A: Anything you want - he can't hear you.
Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a buffalo walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the buffalo's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the buffalo. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a buffalo sitting next to him. "Are you a buffalo?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The buffalo replied, "Well, I liked the book."
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Post by cowboyjp on May 5, 2018 21:51:21 GMT -5
Good Sat Evenin HOG!!!! Sorry I missed yesterday. Got home late and ate dinner. Mrs C had gone to Dairy Queen and picked up burgers. I took a muscle relaxer just before I ate. After eatin i went and sat on the couch. That was the last I remebered. Woke up a couple of hrs later only to fall back asleep!!! Got up this am an went to work. Almost forgot to hit the GB site for points and hit this place. The broke rib is not givin me a lot of pain but then again I'm on Tylonol 3. And now some muscle relaxers!! Only time will tell how fast it heals!!!! Midnight - How the renos goin? Gonna finish my ice cream the to bed!!! Catch Ya L8TR HOG!!!!
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thor51
Junior Member
Posts: 31
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Post by thor51 on May 6, 2018 17:55:54 GMT -5
Howdy HOG,
Back home in London after a really Wonderful Wedding in Cambridge, ON ... I might be a little prejudiced, but Thorettini was the most beautiful Bride I've ever seen!! And T-Thor pretty much embodied a Handsome Prince!!
Guess my Father-of-the-Bride speech must have gone over as I planned ... no less than 3 guys came up later and asked for copies to use as templates for upcoming weddings in which they were taking part. Not sure how THEY could/would use the parts about the recently deceased Thorette, and how the words I was saying were from her as well? (Maybe those guys were just flattering me? But that's okay ... I AM open to flattery! lol)
Had a chuckle on the ride back to the hotel ... had a DD , so I could concentrate on the Bride's soliloquy coming from the seat behind me ... kinda like a stream-of-consciousness really ... 'I'm MARRIED ... I'm REALLY Married ... I've got a Husband ... can't believe it ... I'm really Married ... I've REALLY got a Husband ...' Might have been those last 3 Belinis speaking, that she got at the bar when they announced Last call ...
And when I looked over at T-Thor ... he was just grinning, staring at Thorettini ...
Yup, the Princess and Prince and the 'Happily Ever After' ending to my speech looked just about right just then.
Of course, that ending for the speech was meant to be in character for the Wedding Theme of Disney's Tangled ... but it will be okay if it gets translated into their real life ...
Hope everyone else had a good w/e, too?
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Post by trevor3000 on May 6, 2018 18:25:25 GMT -5
Good Evening HOG!
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Post by cowboyjp on May 7, 2018 20:46:28 GMT -5
Good Musical Monday Evenin HOG!!! Went in to open the store today then came home for much needed rest. Boy did I need it. I slept for 2 hrs when I got home. It sure felt nice to just rest for a little. Thor - Sounds like ya had a good time in that Joyus occasion. Glad it all went as planned!!! Best of luck to the both of them!!! Off to take my meds then maybe off to bed!!! Catch Ya L8TR HOG!!!!
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Post by cowboyjp on May 9, 2018 8:12:48 GMT -5
Happy Hump Day Buddies. Was a long boring day yesterday. We only had a few people come thru the store. Had only one sale and it was a Laway. Hopin the sales pick up more as the owner could pull the plug on the store!!!! I don't need that!!! Guess I'm the only one here!!!! Off to hit the road for work!!! Catch Ya L8TR HOG!!!!
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thor51
Junior Member
Posts: 31
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Post by thor51 on May 9, 2018 19:42:59 GMT -5
Howdy HOG,
Had lunch with friends ... cut the lawn for the first time this year ... trimmed a plum tree out back ... then had a nap!
Nice to have my normal life back ...
Gonna cool off and rain tomorrow ...
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Post by MidnightSun on May 10, 2018 5:15:45 GMT -5
Mornin' HOG! Have a wicked t-storm Sat in the wee hours. Trees came down dropping power lines in almost every road in the county. Also down was the two fiber optic cables. My modem was fried by lightning. 5 days of no internet. Cutting fallen trees. Campfires at night. Planting annuals. Getting a tan. Have an fantastic day!
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Post by MidnightSun on May 13, 2018 3:59:41 GMT -5
Happy Mother & Women's Day!
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thor51
Junior Member
Posts: 31
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Post by thor51 on May 14, 2018 0:34:46 GMT -5
Took my 98 year old Mother out for supper last night for Mother's Day ... we had some great chats about so many things ... with her eyesight fading, she told me much of her day is taken up with memories relived ... which we relived again during supper.
Mom has Age-related Macular Degeneration, is legally blind in one eye and has greatly reduced vision in the other ... so I had to help her locate her food on her plate. I used to go to her eye treatments some years back -- my kid brother now does the duty -- and I had to look away when the Doc plunged the needle into her eye. She also has trouble swallowing due to curvature of her spine interfering with the alignment of her esophagus ... so she always takes extra water with her to restaurants when we go out so she won't run out of water when she eats, because she has to drink the water to keep from choking.
Mom is quite open about dying ... all her friends have passed ... when my wife passed last year at age 65, Mom wished it had been HER instead ... and says that again every time we talk. But she feels very lucky that she can still live on her own in an apartment in a senior's building with just the visits of PSWs for a half hour a couple of times a day to help.
All those past Mother's Days, when I took my wife, Thorette out for Brunch, or Dinner, it was a celebration of giving birth to, and raising, our daughter, Thorettini ... and it was a joyous celebration.
But this Mother's Day, dinner with my Mother was a celebration that I STILL had a Mother alive ... with the realization that HER life was quite difficult now, and my role as her child, was much different than when I was younger. AND, how special it was that she was still alive for me to talk to ...
Happy Mother's Day ... to all those Mothers out there.
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Post by MidnightSun on May 14, 2018 1:36:50 GMT -5
Good morning HOG! Super you could take your mom out to eat and spend hours w/her. The few restaurants opened saw folks hanging outside waiting their turn. Stores were mobbed, especially ones that sold flowers and plants. Bought 3 kinds of tomato plants a foot tall for $1.25 ea. Now to get them in the ground so they'll bare fruit asap. Took a chance and planted all the annuals in their 13 hanging baskets. Now to fill the window boxes. One a week long run of warm, sun and no rain. Have a pleasant day!
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Post by cowboyjp on May 14, 2018 8:32:33 GMT -5
Good Musical Monday Mornin HOG!!! Got a lot to get caught up here as first off I lost the brakes in the truck. Down to 1 vehicle for a few days. I was gettin off the freeway doin about 75mph when i stepped on the brakes only to find it go to the floor and not really stoppin the truck. Luckily it stopped right at the light. I nursed it to the house. Took it in Friday only to find that the brake job I had last month was totally gone. Not sure what happened but most of it is under warranty. I was off yesterday as Mrc Needed the only car we have right now. We did Mother's day at her sisters house. Had Steak, corn on the cob and bakes potatoes. Had a good time hangin out with them. Still a little sore as we had one of our back room guys off Friday and the other 2 went home sick. That left us to do their job as well. We delivered 2 couches and a couple of mattresses!! I was huge sore. On Sat I got off late as a little old lady I was dealin with bought a mattress and night stand at the last minute. It proves that ya never take for granted that they are just tire kickers!!! She had only asked about nightstands but when I came up to her she started off with sayin she wanted the mattress and then the nightstand. I hoe the sales people saw that more than being put out to stay a little late!!! Midnight - Glad ya survived the storms!!!! Sounds lie the reno's are goin well!!! Off to head to work!!! Catch Ya L8TR HOG!!!
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