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Post by bluwahoo (FL/AL Coast) on Mar 19, 2018 13:23:17 GMT -5
Good one cheepio !
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another one, but only have $500.
The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can,
I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes
to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde
to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical,
the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies,
"She's a blonde and she reads very slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
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humor
Mar 19, 2018 22:47:52 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 19, 2018 22:47:52 GMT -5
What do you get if you drink too much while fishing from a boat on the river?
1) Tipsy
2) Sloshed
3) Really into the drink
4) Cirrhosis of the River.
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Post by cheepio on Mar 20, 2018 8:04:41 GMT -5
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
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humor
Mar 20, 2018 8:05:17 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 20, 2018 8:05:17 GMT -5
I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do the second week.
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humor
Mar 20, 2018 8:07:17 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 20, 2018 8:07:17 GMT -5
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
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humor
Mar 20, 2018 8:14:40 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 20, 2018 8:14:40 GMT -5
At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
Old age is coming at a really bad time!
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Post by cheepio on Mar 20, 2018 9:10:25 GMT -5
HISTORICAL FACT
Who says building a border wall won't work?
The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and
they still don't have any Mexicans....
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humor
Mar 20, 2018 18:34:59 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 20, 2018 18:34:59 GMT -5
Is today the best day to pick up some Spring Rolls?
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humor
Mar 20, 2018 18:37:45 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 20, 2018 18:37:45 GMT -5
Are they related...from a time long ago and far, far away
Space-In-Vaders and Darth Vader?
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pa1929
Senior Member
Old age is not for sissies.
Posts: 899
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humor
Mar 20, 2018 22:42:36 GMT -5
Post by pa1929 on Mar 20, 2018 22:42:36 GMT -5
I'm going to live to be 114 when I get shot by a jealous husband.
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Post by cheepio on Mar 22, 2018 10:05:17 GMT -5
I met an older woman at a bar last night. OOOH! She looked pretty good for a 60+ year-old In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and SHE asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't, but I’d like to..'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: . . . . 'MOM...YOU STILL AWAKE?'
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Post by bluwahoo (FL/AL Coast) on Mar 22, 2018 15:53:41 GMT -5
Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer.
Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.''
Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.''
Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.''
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Post by cheepio on Mar 22, 2018 16:43:15 GMT -5
My daughter and her fiance just registered their dinnerware pattern at one of those fancy stores.
It's called "Virginia", you know, the one with the Blue Ridges.
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Post by SUVFan on Mar 23, 2018 11:15:52 GMT -5
Courtesy of Hamish:
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."
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humor
Mar 23, 2018 13:51:34 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 23, 2018 13:51:34 GMT -5
The first year of our marriage the only seasoning my wife added to dinner was charcoal.
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