geezer
Senior Member
Posts: 757
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humor
Mar 28, 2018 18:10:03 GMT -5
Post by geezer on Mar 28, 2018 18:10:03 GMT -5
Is it better or worse to have your intelligence insulted in HD 4K? Yes, it is.
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humor
Mar 29, 2018 7:56:33 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 29, 2018 7:56:33 GMT -5
Speeding ticket... U.S. Marine style
Two California HighwayPatrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, North of MCAS Miramar. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching near the crest of a hill.
The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops reve aled that the radar had in fact locked onto a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.
Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander.
Back came a reply in true USMC style:
Thank you for the message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, an air to ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment. Fortunately the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar was destroyed.
Thank you for your concerns.
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humor
Mar 29, 2018 8:17:36 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 29, 2018 8:17:36 GMT -5
First man: I just opened a bar, I'm calling it "Moderation".
Second man: So, sending a subliminal message to drink responsibly, in moderation?
First man: No, it's so no matter how drunk you get, you can say you drank in "Moderation". I like to encourage honesty.
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humor
Mar 29, 2018 8:33:19 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 29, 2018 8:33:19 GMT -5
New reality show spin-off:
"Line-dancing with Bobby Flay" "Yeehaw"
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Post by bluwahoo (FL/AL Coast) on Mar 29, 2018 15:44:55 GMT -5
The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said ..."I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."
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Post by lightbulb1 on Mar 29, 2018 16:54:19 GMT -5
they give me a bone to gnaw on after a long day...
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humor
Mar 30, 2018 15:24:23 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 30, 2018 15:24:23 GMT -5
How do dentist's treat gingivitis?
Gum Drops
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humor
Mar 30, 2018 15:25:56 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 30, 2018 15:25:56 GMT -5
What candy would you expect to find in an operating room?
Surgical Sweets
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humor
Mar 30, 2018 15:58:49 GMT -5
Post by lightbulb1 on Mar 30, 2018 15:58:49 GMT -5
what did the cat say when hurt his paw? me ow
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humor
Mar 30, 2018 16:00:18 GMT -5
Post by lightbulb1 on Mar 30, 2018 16:00:18 GMT -5
what did the male dog say to the female dog? bow wow...
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humor
Mar 31, 2018 0:02:58 GMT -5
Post by chopin on Mar 31, 2018 0:02:58 GMT -5
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef
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humor
Mar 31, 2018 0:13:58 GMT -5
Post by chopin on Mar 31, 2018 0:13:58 GMT -5
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven.
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Post by chopin on Mar 31, 2018 0:24:04 GMT -5
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
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humor
Mar 31, 2018 0:29:41 GMT -5
Post by cheepio on Mar 31, 2018 0:29:41 GMT -5
What's the first thing you do when you get to Northern Michigan?
U.P.?
Right.
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humor
Mar 31, 2018 0:38:38 GMT -5
Post by chopin on Mar 31, 2018 0:38:38 GMT -5
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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